alone

I'm sitting here alone in turmoil

My mind a whirling race of thoughts

My body aching from the constant tension

My heart weakened by fear and loathing

The loneliness has overtaken my sanity

I can no longer feel the pain or anger

My mind has taken a vacation from reality

my time in this endless night seems infinite

How i wish that i could find the strength

Remove myself from this hidden room

Leave all this anguish alone and deprived

Begin to feel the world around me again.

Have you ever felt these feelings. Desperation beyond what we normally classify as being blue. These depressive states can all but consume every waking minute of your life and can ultimately destroy any energy that you have to even function in normal life. I have for years been in these states and it had practically turned me into a glob of human garbage not caring what happened to me or what i would ever accomplish. through my therapy i have regained my ability to recognize that i deserve more than i was giving myself. I am no longer accepting this state as a fact of my life. i would love to hear some of your ideas and opinions and maybe even your stories of depression. through support and talking we can achieve so much together definitely more than we can alone. Bye for now

from the day you were born and enetered my life

each passing moment of time was a blessing

no matter the times good or bad or lifes curves 

you gave my life meaning and joy beyond words.

each little step that you were taking and falls

were precious and were embedded in my mind

how many times i just wanted to hold you forever

in my loving arms always to keep you safe.

you are and have been the meaning of my life

bringing happiness and joy to all aspects of my life

ever to watch in amazement at your innocence

ever to bask in the proudness i feel in you.

you wonder who you are to me sometimes i see

how i never wish you to feel alone or confused

never to want you to feel alone or unloved

you are my children the loves of my life.

my children you are now and forever blessed i am

the glow of youth and love you give unconditionally

that love i also give to you and ten fold

i want the best for you always and forever.

my children i love you all more than words can say

these feelings of joy and exasperation abound

i hope that you can feel the love i have for you

never alone will you be until i draw my last breath.

if love were but a running stream

whos waters were of the purest

unclouded by the obstacles of life

forever to remain pure and flowing.

oh how i long for love to last

to shield me from this life of loneliness

the touch of a loving hand on your skin

ever so gently making you shudder.

is there love still in this evil world

love that can pushback the darkness

love that can protect you from pain

envelope you in its warm sweet caress.

if love can be forever and life so short

than why has love forsaken so many in time

is that love we share only a shallow remnant

of what actually love was intended to be

do we share love only as a stepping stone

is there something greater that we long for inside

is love but a tool used to provide our wants

or is love a need that we dont quite understand.

love to me is a mist of water showering down

and endless trickle of yourself shared with another

a warm mist of caring and comfort in darkness

spreading light to each of you and a path of safety

love to me is looking into the light in their eyes

seeing your future of family and kindness abound

seeing the same light returned in a glance

and knowing that they are forever and happy.

love to me is also the hurt thats caused inside

love can cause pain beyond all reason and fear

love is kind, but can be also be the monster

love can destroy the bare essence of yourself

love can warm your heart, soul and mind

love can also tear your heart and mind to shreds

love can bless you with happiness and bliss

love can also rip your life from your control

love is a path with 2 different trails branched

love, the path of truth, compassion and kindness

love, the path of pain, indifference and hurtfullness

oh how i wish the first path to be the most used.

i say that love can be forever and lasting

the one who loves must never relax on its creating

love is a work in progress as life is also 

love should never take a back seat to troubles.

i say that love is fleeting if left in a closet

ever to ruin all that it has delivered to life

work on love i say to the masses of the lonely

love can replace all the bad or bring it with it

i say that love is a piece of ourselves given

and as ourselves shouldnt be forgotten or misplaced

love is a piece of us just as hand or a foot

love is forever inbedded in what we want in life

love should never be taken for granted or forgotten

love should be embraced and never used to cause pain

love should be to show warmth, caring and devotion

to those we share ourselves with not against them.

if love were but a running stream

whos waters were of the purest

unclouded by the obstacles of life

forever to remain pure and flowing.

please love forever and your life shall reap the benefits and rewards. give as you recieve and your happiness and contentment shall last forever.

as i sit here lost and confused

my burdens overtaking my heart and mind

i remember the tranquility of love

the warmth of your embrace.

i still feel the tingle of your touch

the smell of flowers from your skin

i quiver at the thought of your beauty

realizing that the moments are gone.

i long for the warmth of your smile

the light of love from your beautifel eyes

i miss the feeling of your hand in mine

i feel the loss of your love for me.

what sweet sorrow as i think of your love

your beauty lighting up a room with each step

wishing to see you ever so close to me again

longing for the loving embrace forever.

the most beautiful woman in the world 

is the only description coming to my mind

that still is a far cry from my feelings

as no one thing could describe your perfection.

the loss of your love is unbearable to me

the loss of your smile that sent chills

the loss of the warmth of your gaze

the utter loss of your love leaves me breathless.

as i walk thru this endless night 

my burdens overwelm my senses 

how i wish but for a moment of clear thought

so to see the path that is in front of me

how i wonder and look for meaning to my strife

i can find no rythme or reason for its being

thru countless years and moments of searching

no clear solution has come to me as of yet

are trials and tribulations the norm of life

or do we by chance create them ourselves

is luck or bad luck really existent to us

or do we just use these to deter our own guilt

i feel sometimes that ive created my woes

i feel that maybe i deserve to pay for my mistakes

on caution i ask were these mistakes i made

or just random happenings no real cause to blame

how i wish i could redo some things in life

then wouldnt that be admitting mistakes

wouldnt that answer my questions im seeking

i feel im caught on an endless spinning wheel

darkness has fallen on me one last time

as i sit here wondering these questions 

have i totally lost my touch with reality

or am i seeking the ultimate question

the meaning of life 

clouded are my personal judgements

shrouded in darkness and loneliness

forever it seems gone the light

my old enemy depression has come home.

gone are the moments of happiness

gone are the moments of creative thought

gone are the moments of energized living

my old enemy depression has come home.

living with depression roosting on my shoulders

the misery it brings and strangling torture

wishing for one ounce of your life back

hazed in a land of confusing cruelty.

depression sucks the life from its playmates

leaving their used to be lively bodies to wither

removing all remnants of ones self worth

deeply inhibiting the life to come out.

sitting here under depressions weight

i feel as tho my body is not my own

my mind wonders to times of being alive

motion no longer seems to be in my grasp.

how did i come to this crossroad of pain

waiting for the endless night to pass

feeling ever so torn from my family and friends

feeling the loneliness that this dark shroud brings.

shall i ever feel the love again and the spark

shall my life energy force ever bloom again

will my mind ever wonder and dream of better

or shall i sit and rot in my own anguish.

depression you have come home to roost

oh what bitter sweet sorrow you bring

please leave me and let me live once more

take your dreariness far from my home.

leave me in peace you monster of life stealing

may the remnants of you not haunt me evermore

let me feel the wind on my face once again

leave me alone leave this place.

my heart and mind give no safe haven for you

i have now recognized you for what you are

i want my life back you wicked lifestealer 

take your darkness and bother me no more.